Grasping for Self Respect

I have been attempting to drop the extra pounds I have been carrying since the birth of my last child thirteen years ago. As usual after the beginning of the new year, my resolve falls by the wayside around the end of February. I quietly decided to get serious about it this month since I knew that I weighed 250 lbs at the end of last year and have hit 261 lbs recently. Last week I attended a “weight loss hypnosis seminar” to get some help. After experiencing it, I can only say that although the facilitator of these seminars seems to be a nice lady, I think that she has a fantastic scam going on. I estimated that she had about almost seventy or more folks in attendance that she collected a fee from, and some of those folks really weren't that overweight at all.

There were several very obese people there, and later I wondered if her program would work for them, because after listening to her talk softly with the lights down low, our eyes closed, and doing the exercises that she had us do, I knew that if I was going to lose the weight, it would be entirely up to me. The experience was also like the children's story, “The Emperor's New Clothes.” On our way out, I did not hear a bad word spoken from any of the attendees. Maybe it did inspire some of them. But I kept my mouth shut because I figured that many were thinking the same thing that I was, which was that there goes some money down the drain. But it did reinforce to me that I had to be serious about losing weight because there is no magic pill, lotion or spell that was going to do it for me. Financially and emotionally, I have ruled out gastric surgery because after two cesareans and another surgery, the healing process and me just do not do well. I have also done the research, and have come to the conclusion that it is not for me. I will just have to get my azz up early to do the exercises and when the weather gets warmer, I know that I need to regularly get my behind out there and walk. I will also have to journal my daily food intake and watch my portions. But most of all, I will have to just say no when folks are pushing food on me when I am in social settings.

Last year I did have an unexpected inspiration that really is pushing me to lose weight. My mother found an old picture of me and a niece on the old Detroit Boblo Boat taken in 1987. Around that time I think I weighed about 150 lbs. Although my hair was so windblown, I felt that I was very radiant looking in a pair of white linen shorts that I had got for the occasion. Another unexpected push also came from an online link that a friend sent me recently. Aretha Franklin is posing for a picture with the "Fly Jock" Tom Joyner and his wife, "The Black Fitness Queen", Donna Richardson Joyner. Unfortunately looking at the not too flattering picture of Aretha and reading some of the posters' callous comments, did strike a nerve in me. It's ironic that the world is worrying about skinny Whitney although she truly does have a serious problem, when I wonder if we also should be up in arms about Aretha Franklin's weight, even if she is okay with it.


In another touch of irony for me, I found the younger slimmer picture above of Aretha on a postcard when I stopped by a bookstore after attending that particular weight loss seminar. It was like God was saying, “Look Woman! ....I am giving you another sign.....you know what to do!” But right now I think losing weight will be one of the hardest things I have to do. I have had some lean times before and trying to live an abundant life now, reminds me that there some habits that are going to be so hard to break. I love Aretha, have most of her music, but I can not help but to wonder if it will be a matter of time before she develops diabetes if she hasn't already, or has a major stroke or heart attack. My doctor has said the same thing to me, and I am going to have to strongly fight those urges to avoid being handicapped by weight like one of my relatives, who is dealing with those problems now.