Hope remains in this Season for me..........

2007 was a year of ups with a lot of downs.

There were times I enjoyed during the year, but I will not miss this year either. I became fed up while working in a setting that was very acrimonious and tense, although the purpose of the organization was to help and empower people. It got to the point where I did not care anymore, although I was advised by other staff members to hang in there because of the tight economy and my financial obligations. When I finally got tired of my boss' constant berating of staff, unprofessional conduct, and her condescending, self-righteous attitude, I hit a low point and provoked her into dismissing me.

Although I know that I should have left after witnessing her publicly humiliate another employee in front of staff and clients, my fear of not being able to provide for my family kept me there. I should have left before things got to the point where I did not care anymore about reprisal. But after the dismissal, I felt so relieved and free once I walked out of the place. My children surprised me when I told them of my dismissal. They felt that the job kept me stressed, and they were glad that I would not have to work holidays anymore. Right now, I am trying to focus now on the future. Besides looking for another job, I am going to get back in school and concentrate on finishing my degree, along with volunteering more at the community center and church.

On the romantic side, it is still the same. Old High School Crush is hanging in there even when we have a spat. I even told him to take a hike recently, but as a good friend, he let me chill out for a while, and came on back. He still makes me laugh, but I just see us having a friendship that does not have any romantic potential, although he indicates that he is really into me. Now an ex-boyfriend is coming on hot and heavy again. We have known each other for more than twenty years. During that time, we married and divorced other people.

Although we do care for each other, I balk at marriage or cohabitation with him because I worry that it will not work between him and my teenagers. He also wants to relocate out of state. With the bad economy in my state right now, I have also contemplated about relocating. One sister suggested that we come to California where she is at, and a friend suggested for us to come to Arizona where she is moving next month. My children want to go to the south where their grandparents are located. Part of me wants to keep them near their father who does communicate regularly with them, but his participation with them could be better. At times I have mused about waiting to relocate until both of them are legal adults, which will happen in several years.

Right now I feel that I am at the crossroads of my life, and is not sure of which path to take. With so many options, I worry that I will make a decision that I might regret. I just want to make a good choice for my children and myself, and hope that next year will be better. So I am going to enjoy the holidays and appreciate what God has done for me and my family. As usual, the optimist in me is reminded that "Hope Springs Eternal."

I hope everybody has a Merry Christmas, Happy Kwanzaa, and a Happy New Year....