a person's legacy............

Attended the funeral of my children's Great Uncle last week. Even if you did not know the person, you can tell how that person lived by just listening to the people that spoke. The last time I was at that same funeral home was for my own great uncle several years ago, and similarities of the recent funeral was so close to his that I found it sad. Both men lived outside the lines, and had children and grandchildren. They both had been convicts, drug addicts and alcoholics, so there was not much of a close paternal relationship with their children.

As I watch the recent funeral unfold, I was reminded of its similarities to my great uncle's funeral, in that there was a reluctance among my cousins to speak. My children were surprised at that. They have attended some funerals and always saw the children of the departed speak. But my great uncle's seven children did not show much emotion. Finally at the end, one of his sons did finally get up and say a few words after my grandmother, my mother, my uncle, and my aunt spoke. He reminded his siblings that although their Dad was not active in their lives, there were some bright moments.

However, this time after all the aunts, uncles, cousins, and church members spoke, not one of this great uncle's three children or grandchildren spoke on his behalf. Later after making an inquiry, I found out that they did not assist with writing the obituary either. It was written by his nieces, daughters of his oldest sister. I also realized that my ex was closer to him than his own sons. The great uncle was a lively, fun loving person that was the baby of the family and also was a ladies man. From the photos I saw and stories that I heard, he certainly was a Dapper Dan in his heyday. When I met the great uncle for the first time twentysome years ago at a wedding reception, he asked my ex (Who was my boyfriend then) while eyeing me in his most flirtatious manner, "Well son, who do you have here?" It didn't help either that I was hot from head to toe: Burgundy hair, hot pink hip hugging dress with burgundy spike heel shoes. Later at the after party at a relative's home, he was the life of the party.

All I can say is that he will be missed.