Revelations and perplexity

I have been dealing with some issues (unemployment, financial, & health wise) during these last couple of months. Although I have told my family and some other close friends, last night I had to tell one of my oldest and dearest friends about my impending breast biopsy next week. She said that she can not take it anymore bad news since her nephew is dealing with cancer right now. I remembered her nephew when he was a baby back in the 1980s. He was currently in college with and had to drop out. My friend said that her uncle died of the same cancer, but the doctor has hope with her nephew's situation. I could tell she did not want to talk much about it, and I regretted telling her last night while we were out for dinner. I must say that her reaction did not surprise me. However I did let her know that I was positive that things would go well and left it at that.

Also being the physical being that I am, I wanted to jump High School Crush's bones since I was going to be near his side of town recently. Unfortunately, I was disappointed when he told me that he had something to do. He also told me to be patient and I felt that he was throwing my own statement back in my face. We recently reconciled after a month long break. I have fell for this guy, although the chances of maintaining a long term serious relationship is low. My mother who vehemently does not like cohabitation, told me to "Be Like Elizabeth Taylor"......Marry the guy, and if it does not work out, divorce and move on, at least knowing that I tried.........

After we somewhat reconciled, I had asked High School Crush for patience, but I was talking about me considering marriage and meeting his family. For a moment, I felt like a little child that was denied candy, and being with him in the carnal sense, is close to enjoying candy for me. I teased that he must be scared or was not telling me something. Surprisingly, High School Crush kept his composure and did not get excited like he usually does when I raise his ire. Although we ended our conversation amicably, I was disappointed because I am tired of the cat and mouse covertness of our relationship, and felt that he is still somewhat withdrawn. I resolved not to call him for a while, and not to push for anything, since there are no commitments on either of our parts. However, High School Crush seems to be in a wary mood, and initially I found that bewildering, but later had to reconsider the situation. We both have emotional baggage that is still an issue with us. I also had to wonder if the news of my impending biopsy had an affect on him. Or was he involved with someone else. I had already cut my friendly ties to my ex-boyfriend when he did not respond back to my news of the biopsy. It was a wake up call for me. There is no point in trying to analyze him anymore, nor expect a continued friendship, and will focus on the present now.

Back to High School Crush. He was the one that reached back out to me, and I am grateful. However, when I responded with back with enthusiasm, he seemed to protect himself as if I was going to squash him with affection. I want closeness, harmony and bliss. I want to cozy up in bed with his arms wrapped around me, and whisper sweetly while nuzzling each other. I want to make breakfast for him in the morning, and later curl up and watch sports on TV in the afternoon. I want to hang out with him in Home Depot or Lowes. What guy wouldn't want that? I don't know right now what he wants, but I will try to be patient like he requested. And that is hard for me.........