Having a say...and dealing with the Gatekeepers...

Occasionally I listen to a local talk radio show in the evening. Sometimes, I call in to make a comment. The host is what keeps me coming back, because as an educated black man, he is very knowledgeable, conscientious, street smart, witty, comical, and at times hilarious. Yet he can be sensitive and compassionate when the common and everyday folks call in to voice their opinions. Even when some callers are long winded, have a speech impediment, take a while to make their point, or have an extreme way out view, I have never heard him to deal with them in a cutting or dismissive manner like some other talk radio hosts in the Metro Detroit area relate to their callers.

When I listened to the Valentine Day show, he had assembled a panel of local single women to discuss relationships. The women were from various backgrounds. The group conversation, questions, and comments, respectfully, and entertainingly covered the many spectrum's of dating and dynamics of black relationships. Listening to those women positively talk with him about what they expected, had to deal with, were willing to give and desired of a man without a hint of any negative or stereotypical characterized ghetto-like behavior made me mentally commended his wife for marrying him. However he was not there this particular evening and there was another host. But what made me stay tuned on the station was one of the guests. I was prompted to call in to speak but I was not successful in getting through.

Being mindful of not wanting to be sued for slander and feeling recently that Detroit for me, is socially and politically like a Third World nation, I will not mention the man's name here because he is a prominent lawyer. He does take on a lot of underdog cases which do get him major media coverage, even though some of his clients may be guilty. The main key to his “success” is that he does get them less time or probation. This week he will be honored for his “remarkable contributions to the legal profession, ” at an annual college benefit.

I happened to meet the lawyer some twenty years ago at a former job I held, which was at a major financial institution. When I initially encountered him, he approached me and demanded that I handle his transaction immediately. I attempted to remind him that there were other customers in line. He insisted that I take care of him right away. I tried again to remind the man that there was almost ten or more customers that have been patiently waiting. At that time, being young and relatively somewhat a new employee, I did not know who he was, but when my supervisor rushed over to me and insisted that I service him immediately, I realized then that he must be a big wig. I politely did the transaction.

The main reason why I protested, was because we were short-staffed at the time, and had a very heavy volume of customers on that particular day. After the incident, my supervisor berated me for my actions. When I loosely indicate the term “berate,” that was really her managerial style. I do not know if she ever spoke to him about the incident, but that lawyer would regularly approach me in the same condescending arrogant manner, and shove his transactions at me without so much of a hello. After inquiring around with my coworkers, I found that he treated most of them the same way. Another thing that bothered me was I found out that he did not have an account with that institution. I always dealt with his behavior in a polite manner and later I was fortunate to get a transfer from that office which was a very stressful working environment anyway. My mother has always taught me the adage, “Kill them with Kindness” when dealing with difficult people. It was hard to follow that when dealing with that man, but I knew that if I wanted to keep my job, I better do so.

Some years later, I had taken my mother to a local grocery store to do some shopping and saw the lawyer with his wife and daughter. Had not my mother, or his wife and daughter been on the scene, I would have spoken to him then about his past behavior, and I would have done it in a respectful manner. Listening to him on the recent radio talk show made me feel that I had a chance, so I attempted to call in. However I learned a lesson. When attempting to get at your target, you need to know subtle ways to get pass the gatekeepers. You must definitely appear nonthreatening, and be willing to talk up/praise the target, and be willing to massage the ego of the gatekeepers to appeal to them. When the producer quizzed me on what was my inquiry of the lawyer, I tried to indicate that it was about an matter that I spoken to the lawyer some years ago. She kept probing, and although I stayed nonchalant, she put me on hold for a minute, and then disconnected my call. I tried to call in again, but I could not get through. All I can figure is that: Either she was psychic, was being very careful, I pissed her off, or someone else who also had a bone to pick with him had beaten me to the punch.

Later I thought of some other ways I could have used and mentally filed them for the future. When discussing the incident with family and some friends, I got some good tips, and some told me that time was not a good time to bring the matter up. Ideally, I prefer to address the incident with him face to face if given the opportunity again. Some told me to forgive him and let it go. I have forgiven him of the way he treated me, but I still want to let him know that I had not forgotten it. I still want to remind the lawyer that when he steps on people on his way up, he will encounter those folks on his way down, like our Mayor will find out in time.