Spring =Desire, Lust, Sex, & Connections?

As usual Spring signifies new beginnings for me.

Right now I want something new and someone different. I have wanderlust burning in my core, but economics has kept a lid on that inferno at the moment.

It has been a while for me. I would like to date again. I mean a real date.......like go to an event or even a movie, then have a sit down lunch or dinner to get to know the guy. I am not interested in passionate sex right now either. I would just like to connect in a friendly way, and see where it goes. At times I wonder if it is possible here.

Was browsing on Eharmony.com discussion boards and came across an interesting response from a poster named Sarah. It was really a thought provoking answer to another poster's question:

When should you have sex? Ok, the question is when you just started dating someone new, How long before you should have sex with them? without being cheap . mostly if you really like the guy and would like a longterm relationship.

Sarah wrote:

<<I think everyone gave pretty sound advice and of course to each his/her own on the decision of when to sleep with someone. I think you'll know when the right time, but I'm just sharing information.

This came from something someone passed to me so I'm passing it along.

When to be intimate. The last Why Ask Why? asked readers:

"Can you go backwards and slow it down once you've had sex?" What did the Six Foot Blonde have to say? And there it sits. Beckoning us, teasing us with the ripe temptation to come forward. A little closer. Before we realize what’s happening, we have eyes for nothing but the crimson–colored fruit. So we edge closer until eventually, lost of all resolve, we stand there with just the apple core and wonder "how’d that happen?"Erotic. Salacious. Carnal. And lest we forget, desirous. Ah... the slippery, lascivious slope of desire. Once the slide begins, it’s a tad difficult to halt, even if your rational, cognitive mind is saying, "hmmm... acting on this impulsive—albeit, delicious—temptation could complicate my ability to objectively evaluate whether or not this person shares similar goals with me or not. And thus, I might be engaging in an extracurricular activity with someone who doesn’t share enough in common for a substantive relationship."

So instead, we rationalize. How much could it really complicate the dynamic? It’s just sex... and we do like each other.... and we do desire each other. If only it were that simple. And most of us would like to believe it is. After all, we came of age at a time when sex and love were synonyms. But here’s a reality: When you become sexually involved with someone, the two of you share something deeply intimate. And that has inescapable ramifications. Once you’ve blurred the line between "getting-to-know-one-another" and sexual intimacy, someone invariably becomes vulnerable to disappointment, hurt, or misplaced rejection. Because once you share something as intimate as your body with another person, it is very easy to begin to justify that intimacy.

Suddenly, what began as only a lustful tussle becomes precedent to expectations of whether we should expect to spend the weekend together, whether they should be calling us more often, and so on and so on... until we find ourselves in a relationship—but a relationship that isn’t exactly satisfying our expectations. And in our headlong rush to satisfy temptation, we sacrificed our chance to really know our partner before we made ourselves vulnerable to their apathy. Their lack of giving. Their lack of commitment. Or the thousand and one ways someone can relegate us to the bottom of their priority list and show us that we are not special, not worthy of their full attention, love and commitment. And that’s painful. Because it feels like rejection. Can you slow it down? Maybe the better question is: Can you undo carnal escapades and return to the innocence of exploration? No, I don’t think so. Intercourse taints the discourse; sex—or perish the thought, making love—is sacred. Or, I believe sex should be to have the value and meaning we want it to have. And when we allow ourselves to have sex, we have traded something sacrosanct with great meaning for instantaneous lust. And lust without meaning is just that—lust. That’s why it’s imperative to move deliberately and let your actions be motivated and dictated by your true values and morals.

Let the relationship build emotional momentum prior to physical momentum and find someone who desires emotional intimacy first and respects a mutually agreed upon physical boundary. If you believe someone could be the right one or maybe stands a chance at lasting, enduring love, then all the more reason to handle that gift very gingerly, with love and respect for the other. Let lust best serve itself after love has been established based on shared goals, shared trust, and shared experiences. Good things do come to those who wait. It’s not an adage for the trite; it has meaning. Good things come to those who know what they want and are willing to wait and see if the person before them desires the same. Desire can be the fuel that fans the flame of your love. And misplaced desire, without the structure of trust and love, can leave you bitterly cold, disappointed and hurt.

We all desire to get naked with someone. I just happen to advocate waiting until you have seen their most vulnerable, honest self. Wait until you can say, "I not only admire this person, but I want to emulate them because they live their life in a way that is inspiring to me." Two naked souls standing before each other with only honesty, vulnerability, respect and commitment between them: The foundation for a genuine, substantive, enduring relationship. When is the right time to add sex to a relationship? For each it’s different, but I’m fairly confident in saying I don’t believe that a foundation for a lifetime commitment, honor and love is the result of capricious, whimsical, passionate lust. Move deliberately. Love deliberately.">>

I especially loved the part:

<<We all desire to get naked with someone. I just happen to advocate waiting until you have seen their most vulnerable, honest self. Wait until you can say, "I not only admire this person, but I want to emulate them because they live their life in a way that is inspiring to me." Two naked souls standing before each other with only honesty, vulnerability, respect and commitment between them: The foundation for a genuine, substantive, enduring relationship.>>

That piece really made me reflect over my past romantic relationships. It also helped me to ponder the requirements for embarking on potential new ones also. We all want affection and hopefully love too, yet most of us mistakenly accept lust as the standard. As I gingerly step out again, I am going to try to lead with my mind foremost and keep a logical reign on my heart and desire. I also believe that God will put the right person before us also. It is up to us to be able to recognize that person when we encounter them.