Returning to the roots...........

I am moving back home.

I am moving back home...

I am moving back home.........

Now I can breathe...........Although I have informed the family and siblings that I am moving back home, it really has not sunk in yet for me. It has been 25 years since I left, and life has vastly changed since I left the old homestead. My Dad is deceased, my baby brother occupies the room that I shared with my sisters, and the house is in need of repair. But it is paid for. My kids have mixed feelings; my son is not looking forward to it, and my daughter somewhat sees it as an adventure because like some of her cousins, she will also have an opportunity to live at Grandma's house. Fortunately for them, they do have the option of staying with their father, which I know my son will chose. Hopefully it will allow him and his father to bond more, and keep him in familiar surroundings.

The few people that I did hang out with in the old neighborhood are now gone, either to the suburbs, or out of state. I took a walk around the block and saw close up how things have deteriorated. So much is missed over the years when you quickly zip up the street in your vehicle. Many details are overlooked. However I did see much promise, and even saw a property that I could see myself renovating if I can get the money. I even ventured inside to take a look. Despite the broken windows, spider's webs, and bugs scampering for cover, the property still has a lot of potential. The house has been stripped almost bare, but it is still solid and has an empty lot on the side of it. I could see my family and friends gathering there for a Barbecue or fish fry. I am doing a lot of praying. I want so bad to be able to get that property, fix it up, move my mother in, and then renovate her property also. It will take much focus, determination, perseverance, and I know that it may take several years, and if God is willing, hopefully I will be able to do so in four to six years, which I do know is very ambitious on my part.

Dreaming a smorgasbord of "Shaun of the Dead," "Impluse," and the Living Dead......

I did not sleep well. I woke up from a weird horror movie dream.

It was bit like the movies “Shaun of the Dead” and one of sequels of “The Night of the Living Dead.” I believe it was the 1985 " The Return of the Living Dead," which I saw years ago. In my dream, most of the action took place during the day. I really am not a fan of horror films and have not watched any lately. However, I can only assume that my dream was triggered by my remembrance of seeing that particular “Living Dead” sequel at a local drive-in movie spot that is now gone. I really did not want to see it, but the group that I was with was really into horror films and I had no choice but to view some of it, although I shielded my eyes on the really gory scenes. I now wonder also if another trigger of the dream was that zombie video game that I saw at the local AMC theater last week while the kids and I waited for the movie, “Hellboy II,” to start. I must admit that I did enjoy “Hellboy II" like I did "Hellboy." Below are pics of Luke Goss who played the nemesis in "Blade II" and "Hellboy II." This fine looking fellow that also reminds me a bit of the actor Jason Statham, is married to Shirley Lewis, who was the one of the backup singers to one of my 1980s favorite groups, "Wham!"

In the dream, I am in an area that looks like suburban country. It also looks like a huge college campus to me too. As usual folks are running to get away from the zombies, but most of the time you can't tell if a person is a zombie until they are up close. They are not pasty looking, not foaming at the mouth or looking like a decimated half skeleton. Most of them look normal. Most of the times you could only tell if they were a zombie when you saw that gazed look in their eyes. The ones that I could tell immediately were zombies were those that were specifically coming toward you as if they have a purpose. They do not have that staggering limping walk like the ones in the movies have. Those zombies in my dream walk like they are on a mission. However, there are options, in that the main way to kill them is to bash their skull in or stab them in the heart.

In my dream, I could tell that those that are in the beginning stages by the way they approach me. Most of them are like mentally handicapped children or a senior with Alzheimers, curious, but it takes a while for them to process information. They sniff you out and even ask you why are you running from them, and what are you doing while they are being killed. They do not attack you immediately. There is no malice in their their faces initially, but as their eyes are becoming glazed over, they become more aggressive and no longer speak.

It is freaking me out because I do not want to kill just anybody, and I worry that I might be actually killing mentally handicapped children and people. The crew that I am hanging with reminds me that I can not take time to investigate because I could be attacked before I realize that the adult or child is a zombie. We flee to a building that has a major underground, but I am falling behind. Also going to a basement to hole up is not feasible to me, because I am not sure if all of the folks with them are infection free. I am worried that after we secure our location, we will be stuck with those that are eventually going to turn on us.

I end up on the roof patio of that four-story building, almost surrounded by people because I refused to follow the crew into the basement. I hate killing most of the folks, especially because of their childlike demeanor, but I know that once the infection completely takes over, they will because totally consumed with getting to me. I am killing folks by stabbing them in their hearts, and throwing them off the roof. In a weird moment, I have to tell one guy to be still so I can insert the blade of my sword into his chest. The awful thing is that he complies with me, watching me do it, but not understanding why I am doing it. The rest of the zombies, some children, are still closing in and I am backed against the wall. I am so mentally worn out that I just break down and stop. Then I wake up.

How the people got infected, I do not know. I do remember that yesterday I had read a health magazine of how much sugar we consumed on a daily basis. I had wondered then how much sugar and high fructose corn syrup was in the fast foods and store bought foods. The dream reminded of another movie that I saw years ago called “Impulse” with Tim Matheson, Meg Tilly, Bill Paxton, and Hume Cronyn. Milk was the carrier of the chemical agent that caused the town folks to totally lose all control. The premise of that movie was interesting for me, although I thought that the movie's execution, and sound could have been better. The thought of having no control over the situation bothered me. The ideal of not knowing where my children were in the dream, did bother me intensely to the point that I got up and checked on them as they slept. Again it was a reminder to me, to value the time you have with the ones you love right now.............

Where is the logic?? Another one bits the dust........

I liked Fanchon Stinger of Fox TV News (Channel Two) and will miss watching her broadcasts. Fox TV Channel Two did benefit from having her on their news team, but had to let her go once news got out about her being a consultant to a company under a Federal probe . Her news delivery and reports were very polished and professional, which is really lacking here in this area. It seems that most of our downfall as women, is getting so caught up with guys or money that we lose all sense of self and respect. I must admit that I been there before also, but self preservation brought me back from the brink of losing myself. It is sad that Ms. Stinger did not use good judgment, or she let greed overtake common sense, whatever the case may be with this scandal. There is so much mess is coming out with our Detroit's city government, especially now with this Synagro Technologies scandal, that I have chilled out watching the news and reading our local papers. I get most news from radio/online, and it is so easier to turn off, which is preferable right now because it will be a while before the issues with our local government be cleared up. Watching TV news for me at times, is somewhat like driving past a horrendous car accident and you can't stop gazing at the wreckage.

But we all have issues, some tame and some not so workable.

Still have the hair issue. My hair is slowly growing in and I have been dealing with it. I only pulled out the wig twice, but the humidity made me abandon it. I have been wearing my scarves and hats lately also. But after checking my head out today, I am growing more comfortable about it.....But my vain self will be glad when I get some length back. Went to a local event in the hood and saw a lot of old acquaintances. I wore my snazzy hat. It was all good and interesting seeing folks. As usual I flirted, enjoyed some gossip,and had some questions answered. I enjoyed hanging out with them and felt a bit hopeful about the future.

Had to help out the Ex last week when my son called me for assistance. He injured himself and ended up in the hospital. I had to transport him there, and realized that I had not been to that emergency in two years when my son injured himself flipping off his grandparents' porch stoop. The Ex banged himself up pretty bad and I felt sorry for him because it could have been avoided, but it's hard trying to get the guy to understand that he needs to change his life. Part of me wants to get more involved, but that is a slippery slope, and he ain't trying to extend himself to me either. Counseling has not helped in the past, or maybe the Ex just has not met the right counselor, or he just can not be reached until he is motivated and ready. Another thing is that my friend has a issue, although he really can not make a claim because he has not really verbally expressed or stated EXACTLY when and what he wants from me either. So that is the paradox of caring for folks that are mentally scarred and fearful.

But I need to worry about myself. I may have to move soon, and my options of another residence are available, but are not what I desire. I must emphasize that I am very grateful for those options. I like my place, but can no longer afford it, like many folks that are out of work here. I hate to move, although moving allows you to clean house, and shed yourself of things that you no longer need. However, pulling up roots is a bit traumatic for me. Getting acclimated to a new climate takes some time, and I just am not looking forward to do it. At times like many girls, I sometimes fantasize that I had a knight in shining armor to rescue me, but I have never had that luck, although I have know of several girls that have been that fortunate, but it does not last forever. So it is just God and me right now, and I keep the faith that he will work the situation out, although like most of his children, I am hoping that it be in my favor, which really means to the way I Want It To Be...

Strappy and Stacked

I am loving these shoes Aerosoles Victorious that I found on Zappos.com.

Being an Aerosoles shoe fan for many years, I could see myself in these with a nice wide brown skirt, and lacy white top. Alas!! At $93.00, they are a bit too steep for my budget. I will have to wait till they go on sale.