Reunited...

Reacquainting with someone from your past can be uplifting and depressing at the same time. Lately I have been corresponding with a former classmate that attended high school with me. We both played sports, but with him being a star athlete, at least in our world, he was inundated with a lot of female attention. Being friends, I did like him for his sense of humor, but had no desire in jumping into the feline fray. It was interesting to hear his recollections of those days. I always thought that he was having the time of his life, especially during our senior year. However besides participating in after school sporting events, he also worked part time in the evening and had late hours. Keeping up the grades were a struggle for him also. I had only remembered him being extroverted, but listening to his recollections reminded me that he was also very quiet during our freshman and sophomore years too.

During some of our conversations, he spoke of missed opportunities due to bad decisions, distractions, and financial responsibilities. He had to forgo a scholarship which reminded me about my dropping out of college, and intentions that I have not followed on through also. I could not help but think about our potential, aspirations, and past goals at that time. Like me, he is also going through changes in life, and I admired his hope and ambition. Talking to him is nice, and flattering also. He indicated that he liked the fact that I was always down to earth and spoke my mind. He reminded me of a conversation that we had twenty years ago. We had ran into each other and hung out together for a minute. I had recently seriously started dating my boyfriend who later became my husband, and just considered him as a good friend. During that time he admitted that he had a thing for me, and wanted to seriously see me, which my brother currently insists was lust at that time, which was in 1985.

I was in shock from the revelation, but was honest and told him about my boyfriend. I did let him know at that time also that I was very flattered and wished that he had better timing, but I was committed to my boyfriend and that I hoped that we would remain friends. Needless to say, we did not see each other again until almost six years later after I had married and I had my first child. He did seem happy to see me and fawned over my baby daughter at the time, and that was the last time I saw or conversed with him until now. I could not help but wonder for a moment, what would have happened if we had gotten together at that time? But looking back over my past, I think that it would not have lasted between him and me. I had certain expectations then, and I do not believe that he could have or even would have tried to meet them.

I have to say that for me, it has really felt good to be able to truly laugh lately. His sense of humor is still sharp as ever and he indicated that talking to me makes him feel positive and hopeful about himself. He says that he does feel good after our talks. Ditto for me also. Part of me does want to see him, but part of me wants to take my time and have no expectations when the time came. I did let him know up front that I was a big girl now, and was no longer that sleek, slender girl that he remembered. That brought a laugh from him because he admitted that as a grandfather now, he was no longer the finely toned athlete that I would remember either. It has been great to rediscover an old friendship. Although I have to admit that I have fantasized about us becoming serious about each other, ala Donna Hanover style, I definitely know that I need to stay grounded in reality, especially since my current somewhat distant guy is still in the picture at the moment.

But it would be nice if we just stayed old friends too.