Thoughts on “Desperate Housewives” Bree's "O" discovery.............

Watching “Desperate Housewives” on Sunday reminded me of a conversation that I had with a friend. Seeing the character Bree being informed by her doctor that she just experienced her first orgasm, I was not surprised. I think that there are many women out there that really have not experienced an orgasm, especially those that we think has it all together. It also made me think of a friend who also has issues in that department. Currently she is on a sexual sabbatical, which I call it because I remember her being a very sexual person. She indicated that she will be celibate, mainly because of the many crude and dysfunctional men she has met in the past. I am happy that she came to that decision because I felt that she is becoming wiser and more considerate of who she allows in her life.

Once she complained about how sexually unsatisfied her past relationships were. When she indicated that she does not want to be bothered with men, and would be celibate, which is something I commend her on, she sounded so bitter which was more than usual. She indicated that she rarely had an orgasm with the men that she had sex with, and that has been a significant amount. I was astounded at her revelation. I asked her if she actively worked at achieving an orgasm with a man during missionary sex, or did she try to get on top and work on achieving it herself?

From the answer she gave me, it seemed that she expected to have one when a man was thrusting inside of her. I wanted to ask her if she had any toys or did she masturbate, but couldn't because I felt so sorry for her at that moment and felt that I would not phrase the question right at that time. Although attraction is also a key factor, I had to tell her that I had to be aroused mentally first before I was sexually interested with a man, and that I also got on top sometimes to achieve an orgasm. She indicated that was too much work for her, and that she rarely got an orgasm when a man performed oral sex on her. Again I was shocked. I could not help but wonder did her early sexual experiences mentally f*&ked her up, or if she just had not found that intimacy that she was looking for?

An old acquaintance had told me years ago that when he and one of her exes were worked together, her ex told him that he and my friend had the best sex after they had a physical fight. Initially the news freaked me out, but after remembering that her father was very physically abusive with her mother when my friend was young, I somewhat understood a bit what was behind that. I wished that I could tell her that she needed to seek counseling for that issue, but I could not let her know what my old acquaintance had told me, because I knew a lot of drama would occur and a storm would rage for a statement made many years ago. I could only hope that while she is celibate, she will read more literature about becoming a women who is at peace with herself. I might slip her some books by Iyanla Vanzant or Susan Taylor to assist her.

Tight rope walking while in a mellow mood............

I have been chilling from blogging for a while due to job hunting, other interests and health issues. Not working and not having health insurance is scary for me right now. I need to see a doctor for some issues and do not have the money to pay to see my own doctor and the only option I know of is to go to emergency and incur a major bill or go to the public health department when the doors first open to get health care. I have been down there twenty years ago, and found it to be frustrating. My sister advised me to drop my pride and go ahead and apply for public assistance so I could get something.

Part of me does not want to because I am getting child support and do not want to be hassled by the ex if he finds out. As grateful as I am for his child support which is keeping me afloat, I do know that the child support can only do it for so long. I have been actively job seeking and putting in applications, but it is tight out there. Lucky for an acquaintance of mine, she recently was hired by Ford, but she and her husband are working mandatory twelve hour days, and they barely see their kids who are really being cared for by their relatives. My younger brother suggested I try working security like he is now. I flinched at the thought of working security, but if it can pay the mortgage and utilities, who am I to be snobby about it?

I probably should have not did it, but I teased the kids that if things get any tighter, we may have to move in with their maternal grandmother, or back in with their Dad. Going back to Dad's house appeals more to them because they would still be in the same schools. But living with my Mom puts a shudder through them. Sharing space with their uncles does not sit well with them and I could understand. One of my brothers is a loose cannon, and he tries to move back home every now and then, when the rule has already been established by my other brothers with my mother that particular son can not live there. But my mother feels sorry for that particular brother and sometimes lets him stay for a night. But before they know it, his stuff is back in the house, and he is trying to throw his weight around. I had to remind my mother last year that she will alienate the rest of her reliable sons, if she keeps breaking their agreement, but she just doesn't seem to take things seriously. I hope to God that he gives me the funds or a job that will let me pay my bills. I do not want to go back there because I know that there would be trouble if that brother and I even try to occupy the same space.

I must give my children credit though. They are keeping me optimistic, and are even thinking of ways to make money. My daughter is doing some braiding on and off, and my son walks a dog for a neighbor. She and my son made up some flyers advertising their leaf raking services. They distributed them in the neighborhood this weekend and I hope that they drum up some business for themselves. I laid down some rules and informed them that they had to put a percentage of the earned funds in their bank accounts. I just hope that things work out for them and my financial situation improves so that my kids will not have to worry.

Meanwhile on the romantic front, the High School crush and I finally met up this past week after talking via phone for more than two months. My former guy must have felt something, because he has rung me up several times also during the past week. I wish my financial-employment mojo was working as well as my attraction/sexual vibes were working last week, because I could have been rolling in dough. However, I know to leave things up to God. High School crush and I hung out on the island where we last hung out together more than twenty years ago. He had verbally painted an image of a worn out looking fellow, but aftering seeing him, he had not changed that much to me. He had put on some weight, but did not look that bad, only a bit older and tired, which he was. Also he seemed rather shy at first when meeting me and I was also feeling bashful also. We stopped at the foundation and walked around it for while as we talked.

The weather was nice and the place was peaceful. His demeanor was a bit reserved in person, whereas he is lively on the phone. As we talked, he did loosen up a bit, showing some of his usual humor. When we finally went to lunch, we talked about so many things, and I enjoyed myself. I was surprised that he stayed a gentleman throughout the time we hung out, and kept his hands to himself. Right now, it seems that my size has not affected his ardor at all. He asked me if I could see myself seeing him again, and I told him yes. But time will tell if he is really into me, or will it just a fulfillment of a high school fantasy for him? I hope not because I am feeling giddy as a high school girl, and I am not ready for this glow to wear off........but I know..............I know.........I must keep myself grounded in reality..........

Put Your Records On................

My brother gave me his old mpg player. Although it does not hold much, I love the little player and really enjoy it when I am walking. My kids and I have been sharing it and although it has taking a beating, like a Timex, it keeps on ticking. I know when I get an Ipod, that will not be an item that I will share. Here are some songs I am currently listening to on my mpg player....

Put Your Records On................Corinne Bailey Rae
Hopeless....................................Dionne Farris
Trouble Sleeping .....................Corinne Bailey Rae
You're Beautiful .......................James Blunt
In These Times ........................Joan Armatrading
Lifetime .....................................Maxwell
Heaven Help Me ......................Deon Estus
Thank You .................................Dido
Arms Wide Open .....................Creed
Recommend My Love .............Joan Armatrading
Shapes and Sizes ...................Joan Armatrading




I am now setting a list called my Ella, Etta, Sarah and Billie to burn a CD to listen to when I am relaxing. I do enjoy learning how to burn and being able to set up my music the way I want it to be. I am not ready to get of my CDs, but I do like having the power to arrange my music.

Another chilly day, and dealing with Blackboard Flu....

Another chilly day. I am pulling out the heavy blankets, putting up the summer clothing, and the kids are still out due to the strike. Right now, I miss my DSL service which I had to let go of until things change for the better. Dialup just is too slow for me. We are going to hang out at the library today, and I hope that there will be school tomorrow. I am conflicted about the issue. I feel for the teachers trying to hang on to what they still have, and the School Board trying to balance the budget. However the Detroit Public Students are losing in this battle and I do not want the State of Michigan coming in and taking over again. Some friends and relatives are suggesting charter school to me, but I am not ready to go that route yet, but this situation is pushing me to reconsider.

I did try a charter school some years ago, but it was not beneficial for my daughter, although my son excelled in the kindergarten/first grade environment. However I had to take them out of the school and put them back in DPS, which was in our best interests at the time. It was lucky for us because two years later, that particular charter school closed. The building and environment was nice, but there were issues with the school's charter and certification. The DPS elementary school they attended was pretty good, but their middle school is somewhat a nightmare. Right now like many other Detroit parents, I have to keep them where they are right now, although I am currently researching alternatives.

Celebrating new beginnings, desired situations, and making the best of a bad situation...........

I have another wedding to attend. This will be my third one within a four week span. The last wedding that I attended was small, but nice. There were some issues, but hopefully with the olive branch that the groom's sister extended in her toast of the couple, they will come together as family. I could also tell that the groom's best man was truly a good friend. His toast was so heartfelt and touching, that I could believe that the couple really had other friends in their corner besides the folks from our church who truly hoped that their marriage would be blessed and successful.

The son of an another cousin of my ex-husband is getting married today. Although I am close to the parents, I have not seen their son in years. He was a good natured kid as I can remember, and I think that I last saw him when his sister got married some years ago. She is now a mother of some rambunctious boys, and sometimes I think it was not too long ago that she was still a bit of a tom boy. I am attending it with my son and my ex, and I know the rest of the family will be wondering if we have reconciled. We are civil and friendly, but at this time I doubt we will ever get to that point of being man and wife again, but one never knows. Maybe when we are old and decrepit, we could come together to look out for each other during our senior years.

However, there are times when I do miss being married. I sometimes miss having someone around to laugh and joke with, along with helping with the duties around the house and helping out with the children. I also miss curling up with someone as we watch television programs or a movie. I just hope that when I do it again, the union will last, because I do not have the fortitude of Liz Taylor to do it over and over again.... I also hope that we have established a strong friendship beforehand, including a bond that includes a practicing faith in God with a mutual love and respectful for one another.

I have never personally knew anyone that has been jilted just before a wedding or left at the altar, but I do admire what this woman did in her circumstances.

Wedding Off, Jilted Bride Turns Party Into a Benefit -New York Times

By STEPHANIE STROM

Published: September 8, 2006

Six weeks before Kyle Paxman’s scheduled wedding, a stranger walked into her office with e-mail messages and other evidence that Ms. Paxman’s fiancé was cheating on her — with the stranger’s girlfriend.

Kyle Paxman won’t be saying ‘I do’ as planned, but heartbreak or not, the reception will go on , with a new focus: philanthropy.

“The dress had arrived, the flowers were done, the menus were chosen,” said Ms. Paxman, manager of two food and beverage outlets at La Costa Resort and Spa in Carlsbad, Calif. “One hundred and eighty guests had tickets from all over the country and the Virgin Islands to come and make a weekend of my wedding.”

But rather than cancel the reception, planned for this Saturday in Vermont, Ms. Paxman, 29, has turned it into a charity benefit, at which strong women will be celebrated. “How do you turn something so awful around?” she said. “We needed to turn this into something positive and start the healing process.”........(Story continues here or here)

I do applaud Ms Paxman for taking the situation and turning it into something positive. I hope that she does find another fellow that is of a better character. I probably would have fell apart for a minute, then publically humiliated the guy and turned the reception into a party for my family and friends. I do hope that things turn out well and she is able to raise a substantial sum to donate to her designated charities.